Cerpen : When I'm Falling In Love [ English ]

When I'm Falling In Love

"Love,, is the craziest thing I've ever felt .. crazy because I have a lot of exertion and my feelings for this one .. feeling bored, sad, happy and hollow ... all I feel after I know love. I do not know if anyone would believe this story, but I felt the need to preserve it in this story. "

My name is Gery, I'm a student at one of the State University in Pontianak. I come from Sintang. for a while now I live in Pontianak for the sake of my education. In Pontianak, I live in a house contracted out along with five of my friends. Stay away from my parents sue me for independent living, ranging from cooking, washing clothes and home affairs I do myself, something I had never done before. Initially the weight because I'm not used to .. but sometimes .. I'm also grateful because by staying away from parents that means I'm also free, free to do anything without anyone watching.

During this time I never wanted a girlfriend, a cool character and speak frankly makes me still reluctant to dating, it is troublesome to me girl, acting and many wants .. and indeed I used to spend time with my friends. So far I'm enjoying my solitude, but due to heavy class schedule, plus I also often get together with my friends ... I sometimes neglect your duty in college and it made me desperate. This is initially why I want a boyfriend, I felt I needed someone who could help me do my job and helped me when I need help .. and usually a person who can be dependable and willing to do this is a girlfriend..!

There was a girl named Renata, my classmates comes from Pontianak, he is a casual girl, friendly and really caught my attention. I started toward her, and indeed I am a lucky man because she was attracted to me, liked me and finally he accepted me as her boyfriend. We started dating, and like I said I just need a girlfriend who could help me in all my needs .. about feelings of love, the least I did not have for her .. and she with all his benefits are always there when I need, always know what I need .  she had always done all my college duties and my homework. Whatever she always asked to fulfill,but I always felt less satisfied for her kindness to me. I always tried to find shortcomings and made her sad (because it's from the beginning I did not sincerely love her). she often cried because of my attitude, but he remained faithful to me, still loves me and always be understanding me. she willingly helped me, though she never demanded my attention, though she never asked for my understanding. And I stick with my nature, always trying to stay away when I felt did not need her. Always looking for an excuse to not see her, especially when I am with my friends, I seemed to forget that she was there and I hated to share my time between my friends and my girlfriend. I prefer to be close friends than with her. Countless times I've decided the reason I made-up, and she always asks to go back. I felt such deep feelings for me, maybe because I was her first love. And it could be maybe it’s one that makes me arrogant about it. I'm being doing anything for my self and always maintain my selfishness in our relationship.

Holidays semester has comes, I went to Sintang. I'm glad that freed from the burden of college for three months in advance and are definitely a lot of time to hang out with my friends. Me and Renata distance apart. At some point, whether what's on my mind. I really want to break from her. I dialed her and told her a lie reason that the toughest and worst ... I say that I've got a new girlfriend and I did not want her to bother me or contacted me again, do not even have to ask to return. And it is a pack of lie..!!

Time passed a way, Renata never contacted me even asked me to return. Vacation will end, I had to leave Sintang to go back to Pontianak. Lectures started and I met again with Renata. She is still like Renata that I used to know at the first I met with her, always friendly to me and give me a smile. I started to miss her, sometimes I'm wondering and waiting when she will call me and ask me to return again .. I feel upset, she was again asked to come back .. I was expecting when she invited me back. Actually come to think, I was right to invite back, but because of the prestige and maintain my dignity I pretended to be indifferent, and pretended to ignore it even less likely to care about her.

But the longer I'm getting to feel strange, I began to get nervous .. scared and indecisive. I started to miss her and hope her presence as before. I started to find out about her, and one time I read her blog. It turned out that's where she poured out her heart over this, as long as I decide. she wrote down all her feelings towards me so deep, and how much she missed me. Se also wrote how sad she was when I decide. And how she passed every night with  crying .. .. every night she always crying, crying for me .. for someone like me who has wasted her love, her attention and her sacrifice. I regret all this during my attitude to her.

Like awakening from a long sleep, I began to realize my mistake this for a fruitful error .. very deep regret to me .. yes I'm sorry .. and I'm determined to fix my mistake by trying to approach it. Finally, by staking a sense of pride and my pride, I ventured to express my feelings to her. I hope she will forgive me and take me back. But what do I get ....??? she wrote in his blog .. "Ger.. sorry, I'm still not sure". I was inflamed, I did not accept her refusal even blame me back and swore at her, the planning to ask her back with me again ... failed miserably ...!!. I'm frustrated and I do not want to think about her .. I started to run to the alcohol and get drunk with my friends.

A few months passed, I heard from my friend that she was close to a guy, he is also one of the students on my campus .. I feel my world stopped and I really frustrating .. I was scared and did not want her to be owned by someone else ... I ended up telling all my problems with my best friend, and he advised me to express my feelings to Renata .. and fight for it. I woke up and re-excited, I tried to contact her and said that I would do anything to make amends. I'm even willing to apologize to her mother (because her mother knows  how sad Renata long as I decided). There was no definitive answer but finally Renata invite to meet at a park.

The time that I've been waiting is comes, I finally headed to the park we used to meet and it turned out she had come first. Before I could utter a word of greeting to her, she immediately hugged me so tightly ... hugs and such she have been detained as long as we do not embrace that well together ... I miss .. but this time it feels more meaningful to her because I feel much more in ...she cry.. tears fell  more talk than many words ...  she continued hugged me ... I can not say anything .. I was just silent. ..i’m speechless..and let her to hug me ... because I also really.. really miss her ..

Weeping, she said "why Ger ... why just now ... at the time it was too late .... why.. when I was dating with  another guy you just love me ... why?? " and I just stayed quiet ... I did not know what to say, tongue-tied, profound regret come in my heart .. and she said "I feel thee still as ever, but as long as I lose you, he who comes to fill my days, comfort me and help me to keep the spirit .. I could not leave him for now" .. I stayed quiet .. but I would hardly say "yes, well if that's your decision, but I want you to obey your conscience, not for me .. but for the sake of your happiness .. and I will let you dating with him if it could make you happy" . Finally We talked at length and agreed to open a new sheet. She is still undergoing her story with her boyfriend and I will live my days.

Day after day passed,suddenly she brings the story that he and her boyfriend had broken . I re-faced with a dilemma, one hand i think this is my chance to re-launch all with her, but i also will recur are concerned that my attitude hurt her .. Make her cry .... Finally i chose to be a friend who can keep her, and i do not want to make her cry . Until now, we are still friends .. I promise to always keep her and save her . I believe if we are soulmate, no one can disparate us.

 

~ The End ~

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